Family, Fatherhood

Summertime is here!

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This week marks that time of year when School’s out for Summer. As a kid growing up this was the best time of year, a time to turn up the music and let loose. As the schools slowly let out I have watched as parents and families start to celebrate the upcoming break, excited with all they plan to do. As a single parent the joys of summer are often tempered by challenges. Summer throws a kink into the coparenting relationship and messes with the schedules. Add in summer camp and vacation coordination and you have a pot of stress ready to boil over. It happens every year and always manages to work itself out. So you relax, breath deep, and enjoy the sunshine on your face.

After all it is summer. A time for family and fun. A time to get outside and enjoy the sunshine and a chance to reach out and explore more of the world without concerns of homework and school. A time to enjoy the pool, waterpark, and beaches … a time to enjoy the great outdoors.

Digital Dads Podcast
Digital Dads: Episode 112
Summer Safety with Dr. Shoba Srikantan

Yet you can’t, as a parent, completely relax. In all that summertime excitement you need to remember to keep the family safe. For a single parent this is just one more of those challenges times as your attention is that much more stretched. That is why when the Digital Dads recently had a podcast episode on this very topic that I wanted to share – not just for single parents … but all parents. They discussed, with Dr. Shoba Srikantan out of Orlando, many of the summer safety tips we should keep in mind. I won’t go into a lot of the details as I would encourage all parents to take a listen. However, the key takeaway for me was ‘be vigilant’. It only takes a few second for a child to escape your protective zone.

While the podcast seemed primarily focused on water safety, a big concern in the summer, summertime is a time for heightened awareness all around. Summertime offers kids more time to explore and to be more independent. As such, it might be a good time to discuss any rules or boundaries you have regarding playing outside or at the park. As they mentioned repeatedly, we as parents can’t relax. We are not off the clock while the kids are around – so stay vigilant and don’t let your guard down, especially when there are dangers around. The podcast also reminded me that I need to go get at least my CPR certification, Dr. Dad is always on duty so I better have the skills.

However, I thought I would add a few additional points to remember. I know we have all been told them before, but never hurts to get a refresher right.

Mind the Fire

One of my favorite activities during the summer is getting the change to go camping, now granted in the hot summer heat of Florida it tends to be put off until later in the fall – but for many this is the prime time of year to pitch a tent or park your RV and enjoy the great outdoors. There is often nothing better than roasting marshmallows over an open fire under a full moon, with nothing around you but trees and the sound of wind flowing through the trees. So, remember Smokey Bear and pay attention – a tossed match or renegade spark is all it takes.

Don’t Feed The Wildlife

My kids are some of the worst for this, always tossing crumbs out for the birds and turtles. They are cute, and pleasant. It is such a thrill to get close to wild animals. Your heart starts racing and you can feel the blood rush through your body. I admit, I am one that loves the encounters. But you have to be careful. Animals are primal, creatures of habits. Once they associate food and attention from humans they will seek it out, and sweet creates one moment can be aggressive the next. They are Unpredictable. They are wild. Which is why it is a thrill, just recognize it and keep yourself safe.

Be Prepared

As with almost every aspect of life, make sure you are equipped before heading out. A simple 45-min, late afternoon, drive into the woods can turn into an overnight stay (I will save that story for another day). So before heading out make sure you have the right gear – first aid kit, matches, and a plan.

With that, enjoy a safe and happy summer. Lets get on with those adventures!

Co-parenting

Unhealthy Reactions

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Received a text this morning and it instantly caused my blood pressure to rise.  The text itself was completely reasonable; nothing abnormal was requested and the words were chosen to avoid conflict.  Yet, my initial reaction, an emotional reaction, did not match.

My mind immediately went to the “who” decided to gift theme park tickets, tickets are not cheap so that is a decent gift – not typically one made by just a friend. Then it was “what” theme park, was it really too hard to say? Finally, “when” … Friday … a school day? This couldn’t have happened on Mother’s Day? or the weekend prior? You have to take the kids out of school – for a theme park? Expires this week, have you been sitting on them a while? … and didn’t you just go to a theme park this past Sunday?

The mind is an annoying creature, one that can be overridden by the heart at seemingly anytime. This stupid little text, that moment when our worlds collide, is the hardest part of the co-parenting relationship. It charted a path right through all the minefields left behind as the worlds separated, and preyed on the fears and anxieties of the absent parent.

While everything that needed to be said was stated, I queued on all the things that were not. The key elements on who and where were specifically left out, which only leads my mind to wonder. Of course, it could all be simple stuff … grandparents or tickets not used and passed along … possibly it just felt too complicated to say. However, the absence was noted.

Then the core of it hits, the jealousy. I hate missing out on their adventures, and to be truthful I still hate taking adventures with the boys without her. I always had that notion of family, we did things together. When the boys were young I did not want her taking the boys to Disney during the week … without me. I did not want to miss out on being there … with them. My biggest fears throughout the divorce was another guy stepping in as “Dad” to complete the family on such outings. I easily saw my place in their life lost to the lights, sounds, and excitement of the moment. My role slowly being eroded away as someone new steps in … my mind wanders …

Back in reality, I know the kids would much prefer that I joined them, and I have come to understand that there is no one that can replace me – I can only give my role up, and THAT AIN’T HAPPENING!. The boys will love to take me on an adventure there at some point in time, and share there favorite rides. We have had, and will have plenty of adventures. They should get some adventures with their mother. She can choose when she wants to pull them out of school for a “fun day” … and I should just take notes.

So, instead of responding in that moment I let it sit with me all day. I let the emotions run their course. Yes, I have concerns, but none really valid. Yes, I have questions, but non I really have a right to ask. And, yes, this is the way the world works, but I do have a choice … so I can choose to be confrontational, or I can choose to start working towards a better relationship with her. One day…

Sharpening Stone

Strength

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What does it mean to be strong?

Those who are strong have power and influence over those around them. They are able to take control of their life through their choices, rather than allowing life to be dictated to them. To me true strength is defined as follows:

Strength of Body:
A healthy and strong body; willing and able to help with the physical tasks of life.

Strength of Character:
Generous and humble, showing courtesy, integrity and gratitude in all aspects of life.

Strength of Spirit:
A positive mindset, unbreakable soul, and unwavering commitment to the core values that define who you are.

So how does one get strong?

Strength is only gained through experience. Experience is not simply knowledge, it is knowing how to apply that knowledge to acquire the results that you desire. Experience, at its core, can only be gained through struggle, adversary, and failure.

Thus, if you desire to be strong, don’t turn your back on the struggles of life. Don’t give up with the going gets difficult and your body and mind is tired. Get back up when you fall. Try again when you fail. Learn.

It is in these moments that your learn to apply your knowledge and gain experience. These are the moments where you build your strength, and become the strong and independent person that you need to be to take on the challenges and dreams of your future.