Tonight was another frustrating drive home. Thankfully I had left work on a positive note, managing to clear a few road blocks before heading out the door. Problem was I was leaving about 10 minutes later than I should … thinking much like Mr. Incredible did, “I got time…” … however, that was not what I had. I immediately came into traffic with no where to go. Not good.

I pull out the phone and check the GPS, only 1hr 26 minutes until home. A quick glance at the clock told me all I needed to know, I was looking at being at least 30 minutes late. Definitely not good.

My older son had called earlier and asked to go to a friends, but my younger son was at the YMCA aftercare program. Once again, I was on a race to get home. Do I call their mother to pick him up? Do I call one of the other emergency contacts? The easiest and most obvious is to just contact the friends where Joe was, so after a quick touch based there I contacted the group at the YMCA.

This is where I still get kind of amazed. To allow new people to be authorized to collect Owen from the YMCA I simply needed to add them through the website … and that only required me to pull to the side of the road and pull out my iPhone. Even as I work in the tech field and create mobile applications and websites for a living, here I was sitting on the side of the road applying it to real life, unplanned issues. Even 10 years ago, this would have been almost impossible.

… And of course, true to how problems quickly get out of control, the website would not properly load for me. I was losing driving time parked on the side of the road … so I called my life line and a friend was able to add the needed contact to the list and I was able to get back on the road. If there is one thing I have found over the last couple years is that nothing beats having friends you can lean on.

The power of having a community, often referred to as “your tribe”, is critical to push you forward and catch you when you fall. The problem I faced today was small … was a small monkey wrench in the daily life of being dad. There was no one to be mad at, it was no ones fault … in fact I never really saw why the traffic was held up. However, instead of squeezing tight on my steering wheel and racing into a ticket or an accident myself I asked for help – as life takes a community.

I am very grateful.

This has been a major theme for this past year. I have tried to not be as scared of a failure, tried new things, and refused to give up on those things that help define who I am – to me. It is easy to sit and watch people struggle from the comfortable armchair of complacency, but when you are sitting down you have stopped moving forward. This can leave you feeling stuck and unfulfilled.

I have been fighting this feeling for years now, especially pre-divorce. I had moments of inspiration, but the flame always failed to ignite. I had attributed this to being focused on work, and then focus at home. After the divorce I spent a lot of energy on being dad, I was focused on not failing. Slowly life returned to “normal”, a state that wasn’t comfortable, but wasn’t a struggle either. I have a stable job, I can pay all my bills, I am involved with the kids lives, and I make time for my hobbies. A comfortable life.

However, the longer I sit in this life the less comfortable I feel.

On the way home I was listing to the Order of Man podcast (#134) with Gary John Bishop. I feel he encapsulated it completely in his statement,

I have talked myself out of so many ideas, so many plans simply by believing that I don’t belong or that it really is not that good an idea. We have all heard the saying “Doesn’t matter if you think you can or you can’t, you are right!”, but Gary goes deeper. He shifted his entire focus to what he thought you couldn’t do, and in doing that he found change.

The episode is worth listening to. He also has a book out which I have now added to my Audible list.

Unfu*k Yourself: Get Out of Your Head and into Your Life

This past year (or so) pushing the comfort zone has been one of my core mantras. I have been testing different ideas, working different thoughts, and putting myself in areas that I am not comfortable and don’t necessarily feel I belong. To many I may seem like the same old person, but I am not. I can feel that fire growing inside once again.